Hearts, Shadow Selves, and Happiness!

(Mike DePung — Post II.29)

I’ve written a shit ton of material about acknowledging Heart, which is the same as coming to know core Self, which is the realization that we are Spirit at our very essence with the unique identification of our soul-mind-body complex. We can only know who that one is for ourselves, and our Heart, that personal piece of Spirit within us, will work us through that as we seek.

This experience sets us up to quickly follow with that question about how can this newly discovered Self, this personalized piece of Spirit that I am, express that unique Self in this world to experience happiness. The nature and structure of this creation unequivocally implies that this is a Universe created for happiness.

Another part of this wonderful complexity of human beings in an unlimited Universe consists of how each of us integrates into the big picture, and no one can tell us how that works for us. Our guide through it all is Heart. And this is why it’s so critical to enter into a daily working relationship with that core Self as operating system for our complete being.

If we don’t, then Ego acts as the default setting and keeps all of those complex structures contained in the soul and mind buried in order to help us fit into the rest of society and just make it through. The problem with that is just making it through has nothing to do with pursuing or experiencing happiness. Our histories — personal, ethnic, cultural, and other micro-factors — create individual psyches.

Heart helps us to understand our total being in order to create our own version of happiness. I know that when Heart is involved, happiness has nothing to do with injury or destruction of the rights of others. Yes, I know, it makes it even more complex, which makes fellowship with our Heart even more crucial.

Many ways exist to explore our own lives, and when we have connected with Heart, those ways include professionals, friends, our own evaluations, and sometimes things that seem weird, way out there, maybe even magic. Like my experience this morning. And even though I will share this and it may sound weird, many reputable, licensed therapists help patients through processes like I have experienced, and undoubtedly with much better results. I don’t have a therapist; however, my Heart does a decent job.

My experience this morning went something like this. In my meditations, a little shadow self appeared in my mind’s eye — unexpectedly — and I know I had to deal with him, bring him to light. I sensed from a flashing, ephemeral image where he originated. I saw a scene, a memory, of this little shadow self watching my mom by the stove in the first apartment I remember. She was depressed to the point of suicide, and she threatened to breathe in natural gas from the stove to commit suicide. Was this all accurate? I’m not sure, but the vision was clear and at the very least, that energy and intent was there.

How did my shadow self respond to this? He was all about feigning physical illness to co-dependently attach to my mother in her depression and alcoholism. Such shadow selves can create patterns of behavior that persist for a lifetime. Throughout my elementary school years, I feigned illness many times to stay at home and make sure things were okay and to give me a sense of security that my family would all be well. Complex behavioral patterns have been associated with this until the last few years.

This morning, I sought my Heart because I have been blocked with some of my work. When I meditated, this all came to me. I knew what I had to do. I presented this to Mom (she passed many years ago) and brought that short little shadow boy to the fore and cast him into the light (systemic constellating on a personal level — just me).

It frees me to not use sickness or hurt or pain as an excuse any more to not keep responsibilities or to control others. Breakthrough for me: expose a shadow self to Heart-light and gain freedom from this dark energy that held some sway over me for years. I have no doubt it will affect relationships in various ways.

In the meantime, I have considered my writing projects and made some decisions, but more on that later. I hope sharing this rather personal experience will help someone seek Heart because Hearts know things. We are meant to be happy!


Explore. Discover. Collect. Connect. Create. Love. I write these things to experience and express Spirit here. How do you do Life? Contact: mdepung@gmail.com